Loveeee + some film

A random mess of thoughts..

being in love is a scary feeling, quite frankly being in love is just frightening all around. like being so vulnerable and open to another individual is so scary. sharing your most intimate and darkest secrets. those thoughts that never left your body are now being told to and spoken about.
im in love
with a boy
who i had not planned to fall in love with
who i never really planned to even hang out with
im shy and anxious
basically I’m an introvert
i didnt wanna go out and be with people
i didnt wanna search for a lover
i didn’t search
he came to me
and i thank god for him and this adventure I’m on
I’m learning so much everyday from my significant other
he’s pushing me and inspiring me to be better
showing me how to appreciate the little things, showing me beauty in the world.
everyday he teaches me something new
he has such a pure loving heart and he is everything i needed
he came at the right moment unexpectedly
i hope he stays awhile because he makes me happy..
he makes.. me feel whole.
and i guess if i had to describe what being in love felt like it would be all my thoughts above rambled together.

Film that i can’t help but smile when i look at 🙂 //December 17, 2017 NYC


i’m smiling extra wide here, i look pretty stupid but tim looks handsome and my smile is real which is rare for me. tim is the only one who has been able to make me smile lately. i didn’t think i had it in me anymore to be genuinely at ease and cheerful. i’m so grateful for him leading me out of my darkness.IMG_1271.JPG

i wanna start analyzing my photos and art work and really looking deep into them and picking out what exactly it is that i like about photos and work and what it means. i want a better understanding of myself. for this photo i love it. i love all the photos from this roll (and not just because i took them lol) so i love the color. i love the effect, i love how film photos come out just the overall look of the image. the lightening on his arm is bright and the corner is dark which is pleasing to my eyes. i like how you can see my three chubby fingers peaking in on his stomach, i like how my fingers are placed on his stomach. i feel like the photo is very pure and innocent. yet it could be thrown the other way and be sexual because we are in a bed and tim is shirtless but it isn’t like trying to hard to be sexual. it’s just pure and love. two young kids in love reminds me of a photo  i would be looking at that was taken in the 70’s with the polaroid i this hand. i like that idea of love. old fashion love, the good old days and these photos make me feel nostalgic. IMG_1269.JPG

i love the way tim’s face looks. the background. my bra and undies. my rib and tim’s hands 1 holding a polaroid we snapped and the other holding the polaroid. i love that. i like that the bed isn’t perfect because this is real. not staged. i like how tim’s pillow is upside and turned the wrong way and i like how we are sitting on top of the comforter. i like the colored striped sheets and in the bottom left corner i like how sheets are rolled and messed up. i don’t like perfect, i like authentic photos being candidly snapped while being in the moment. )even though these photos were indeed not candid)IMG_1268.JPGi like the grain in this photo, it looks a lil extra grainy from the rest. i like the way my stomach looks from above.. normally i wouldn’t post something in which my photo looks like this but i like the weirdly unpleasant angle. it makes me look like i have a protruding beer gut yet at the same time you can see my ribs and bones. alike my lace purple bralette and the way the photo is an above photos where you can see inside my bra and how i have barely any boobs, it makes it look like a non sexual over head snap. i like how my legs look fat which i would typically HATE but i love it because it’s natural and that’s how they looked spread out on my lover. i like how tim’s face is freshly shaved yet yo can see his 5 o’clock shadow even though he just shaved minutes before. i like how he’s focused on the photo and not smiling. i like his cute little belly and his little hairs on it.IMG_1270.JPGi don’t really talk too much about loving myself and what i love about myself. its hard to pick out your favorite feature/charaterics like i can compliment strangers and will put them above me instead of cherishing myself and my accomplishments. but i like my body kinda. i won’t complain.. but in this photo i really like how my bralette and undies are different shades of purple. i think it adds a spark of diversity in the photo especially since they are the main colors. i love my tattoo. i think it looks so incredibly awesome. it looks rad. i like how my stomach isn’t super flat, I’m bloated. i like how i can spy a few strands of brown hair. i like how my undies are high waited. i like how you can see that i have somewhat a tan on my body since where it is higher on my undies you can see my white pale skin peeking. i like how you can see tim’s hairy knees and my socks. i think thats funny.IMG_1267.JPGi love this one. the color looks really warm and blue. it’s low temperature. i like my finger tattoo reading “NY” on left hands middle finger slightly showing. i like how my finger nails aren’t polished. this all to me makes it look real like i didn’t try which i didn’t. i like how i can notice a little red blemish on my thigh. i like tim’s chest hair and happy trail. his nips too.IMG_1258.JPGi like this photo because i look so happy, i was. whenever I’m with tim and around his presence i just get all bubbly and happy inside. i like how my mouth is open, not quite a smile but you know i was happy.. probably saying something along the lines of “smileeee! look cute for the photo!” i like how tim isn’t even paying attention, it;s like he’s in his own little world dazing off. i like that he’s holding m and the way my arm is wrapped around the back of his neck. i like his arm muscle. i also really like how in the background behind tim you can see a bike wheel. i think thats pretty neat.


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