lately i’ve been stuck in this funk. i’m not sure why, well actually i kinda do but it’s a long story. i don’t know how to get out of it though.
i’ve been feeling quite lost in life. i feel as if i’m suppose to have it all together, yet i have no clue what i’m doing nor what i want to do. but i’m 18 for christ’s sake! i’m just a kid (technically in the governments eyes I’m a legal adult but…) am i really suppose to have it figured out??
i literally just stepped into the real world and dipped my feet in this puddle when there;s oceans to explore.
but seeing others around me especially younger girls/boys knowing what they want and doing it pushes me back and makes me feel even more lost and just helpless. how can someone younger than me already be doing their dream job/work. I just don’t get it. Why don’t i know what i want? why don’t i understand my OWN self?
to be fair, my mind is very confusing and hard to talk to. I try to be silent and think for a mere second i literally have a migraine from all the fat thoughts in my head jumping around. it’s way to crowded in there! my mind is claustrophobic ya know!
ever since i’ve gotten back into the city i just haven’t been able to create anything, no words, no art, nothing. it sucks. new york city inspires me so much but for some weird reason (don’t ask me what it is because i have no clue) i just cannot create here. when i’m in california i can make 5 paintings back to back one night before the sun comes up and fill a whole journal with my dazzling thoughts in an hours time while sitting in a coffee shop. yet here nothing, nada, not a drop of work comes out. its depressing honestly. and very frustrating.