I know

I know it’s stupid

because we didn’t know each other

more than a few months

I only saw you in person

maybe a half a dozen times,

for weeks

there was so much anger between us,

and the truth is

we weren’t ever truly a couple,

but i miss it.

I miss you.

I keep trying to write this poem,

keep trying to write the sadness out of me.

You had sex with someone else

and i forgave you.

I took you back.

And you took your second chance.

Kissed all my worry away-

just to break my heart again.

And all i can think about is your smile,

glowing perfect in the light of your mustang.

And i’m curled up with the lights off in my bedroom crying knowing how stupid it is that my chest feels so wounded.

How is it that I managed to love you when you were always giving me reasons not to?

How was i dumb enough to believe that you could love me back?

What is it about you that has me sitting here listening to the rain and staring at a blurry polaroid of you?

But of course, I know.

And that’s the worst part.

I know that it’s because I saw you

and the way your eyes were full of life.

And your skin was soft.

And your hands had known a lot of fist fights,

But were gentle on my back.

I know that it was the way you called me baby and dared me not to be such a good girl.

You made me want to be reckless, young and free.

I saw the look in your eyes when the moonlight made me feel like dancing

and i believed foolishly that the bad boy wouldn’t hurt me.

I broke my own rules and thought maybe i could make you better,

but i saw all the red flags.. too late.

And now

i’m just a good girl

holding another heartache

wishing the bad boy would come back to kiss me again,

wondering if he feels the same.

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